Before I knew it it’s a new month since my dad and I have separated.
I don’t know why it was so hectic
I didn’t have the time to be sad because I was so busy
Thinking of it now it all seems like a dream
It still seems like a dream
My dad’s work, house, papers, etc.
Are all my responsibility for the first time
Its a new task for me that I’ve never done
It seems harder because of this.
If I think about the funeral now,
to those who helped me feel less lonely
I want to thank you so much I could cry
I felt great warmth in this world.
Although I thought to myself that I need to become stronger
Every minute I feel a huge emptiness.
The pain that follows me makes my chest hurt.
Even today I wonder why my dad had to leave so suddenly,
and I’m sending away my dreams.
We lived separately for about 8 years
I have so much regret now
I didn’t know that this would be the time you had.
The world is cold but warm. And warm but cold.
Also, there is a lot of you inside of me that I didn’t know
I think I can grasp it now, I guess the time we have
ends right here.
The phrase that it becomes important once you lose it
There are still a lot of traces of you
I can’t forget your voice
that would tell people that I am your first son.
The times you would come quietly and massage my shoulders
The times when you taught me boxing and soccer
The field that we would run around together. The sound of our breath.
A few days before you passed, you were worried about my knee surgery
You didn’t want to worry others so you didn’t tell them and went to the hospital
I can’t see that you anymore, I can’t hear you, I can’t touch you
This hurts so much
I didn’t get to tell you I love you
I didn’t get to make a single memory with you as an adult.
I love you
I’m sorry
Dad.
Please rest well now.
———————–
2012. 2. 26.
By Son Kim Junsu
Source: @kristinekwak for 2oneday
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